First day of classes. How do I start them off? By being in a ridiculously bad mood, only to find out that I woke up at 8:00 am to go to a class that has been cancelled....since yesterday. And since I have so much to accomplish, due to my current lack of time management skills, I have decided to attend my second class today at it's earlier session at 9:45. So I have some time to kill as I write this, while I really should be doing 37 million other things.
I, of course, will tell you how classes are going, however it doesn't appear that I really start taking all of them for at least another week. Weird school system over here for sure. I finished my German course with what, most likely, can only be an F, but I don't think that matters too much to me anyway. All that I currently care about is getting out of this little town. I want to see and do things, I am already tired of this part of Germany. And I feel like just knowing that I could hop on a plane or train at any time just makes it worse, because it makes leaving here easier.
I am currently regretting my decision to go somewhere obscure, that none of my friends would be going to. I don't really enjoy starting all over, having to prove myself, and overthinking. I don't like stressing over opinions because I am here for four months and I am here for myself. I would travel this whole dang continent by myself but....I guess there are a lot of things I need to work out.
I am still managing to have fun though...occasionally. And I really have met some great people from all over the world. I really enjoy my flatmates. On Sunday we spent the day cleaning and playing a card game. They have made me eat some questionable things. One flatmate made a vegetable curry dish with rice and chicken. I totally ate it. Another flatmate made a carrot and dumpling soup. Shockingly ate that too. Not sure if I am just hungry or really open to trying new things.
It's stuff like this that makes me define what new experiences are, and the reasons that I am really here, and the reasons why I shouldn't feel completely alone sometimes. I mean the most fun I have really had since I have been here was at a bowling alley and in my kitchen. Not everything here is going to be grandeur, glitz and glamour. It's the small things that are generally my favorite.
I just often wish that I could be sharing this experience with my friends from Marist. I find it very hard to find time to talk with them, what with the time difference and the difference of schedules. People that I have already made memories with, people that I love and care about a lot. And I hope that when they read this they smile and think "hey, that's me" because there are too many of you to name. And even though I struggle a lot over here, I promised them and myself that I would take advantage of this. I want to approach this semester as a once in a lifetime opportunity, because that is exactly what this is. And instead of reading all this ranty stuff, I may actually begin to narrate my life's biggest adventure.
So with that, I am going to take a long sigh, a shaky breath, and I am going to head into my day with as much confidence I can muster. Because slowly, but surely I will no longer feel out of place here, and in a couple months I'll be begging to stay. Hopefully that is sooner rather than later.
-Hayley Rae
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